What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 03:11
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Heart in distress? 9 silent symptoms you shouldn’t overlook - Times of India
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Rocket Report: SpaceX’s 500th Falcon launch; why did UK’s Reaction Engines fail? - Ars Technica
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im still living with it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So whats the point in blame.
What are some good suggestions for books? I'm into romance, fantasy and Romantasy.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were not on the streets..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Can an astrologer predict that someone is in a physical relationship before marriage?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But it wasn’t much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was 9 years of age.
Are Hailee Steinfeld & Josh Allen getting married on May 31? - Buffalo Rumblings
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
macOS Tahoe Name Leaked Ahead of Apple's WWDC Event Next Week - MacRumors
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i lived it daily.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My family never makes their pension either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Ive learnt so much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She wouldn,t have been !
No. 2 Coco Gauff faces No. 1 Aryna Sabalenka in French Open women’s final - NBC Sports
Why did i forgive my father ?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He knew the spot.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So, i spoilt her more .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I think the readers, may guess!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What did i know ?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was scared of men, in general
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was in good health!
One cannot live in the past .
I couldn’t, believe it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I have no regrets .
She found it foreign!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She married twice! .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
When she asked me how she looked .
(And it was in our own minds.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was seconnd youngest,
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is soul school!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Would this be the day?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Comes on , in middle age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We all went to grammer schools
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But, we were locked up after school.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Who then, do I blame.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
All the time i was locked up.
Put me off passion for life!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She loved him until the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I waited trembling.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It was going to be , some day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I write beautiful poetry .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I said to her
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My life is so biszare .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was very sick at this time too.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.